hiding

I feel fine.
Just now- just barely- they cut again.
But I feel fine.

I feel a little scared, a little stupid, a little frustrated.
I cried hard, but not for long- so that's good.
That's really good.

I want to say something- but I'm not going to.
It's not going to be like that this time.
This time it's going to be different.
It's already very different.
So I intend to keep it that way.

I deserve this.
I'm not going to stand in my own way.
I'm not going to let them stand in my way.
-with reason I mean.

Anyways..
Everyone is hurting right now.
Everyone I love is hurting.
I've been so used to doing things about it.
But I just want to hide now.

I know it's not good.
I know it's not productive.
-but it's not painful.
and I know I'm alright with that for now.

"Tomorrow I'll be faster.
I'll catch what I've been chasing after & have time to play.
But I'm quite alright hiding today."