LUCKY ONES

"it's not worth it," I told you.
"why would anyone sign up for a week of Hell? why would you?"

For the life of me I couldn't understand why any teenage boy would be willing to go through so much because of a girl he fancied in high school.

"because, I love you," he told me. 

I had no answer to that. We sat there on the cold marble bench where he held me in his arms. I was forcing myself to think that it wouldn't last, that next winter we wouldn't even be speaking, regardless of my father. But I knew that wouldn't be true. It was worth fighting for, but I just didn't want him too.

"I'm not going to give up on you.."

Is it better to hurt someone yourself, or watch someone else hurt them because of you? Isn't that kind of the same thing? I just want to be able to love someone completely. I finally find someone I'm willing to give myself to. Yet, I don't. Maybe it's cause I think we're too young. Maybe it's because I'm scared. I don't know. But I'm really starting to get sick of myself. 

"I'm tired of feeling like I'm fucking crazy."