Through the Valley

Today I fought with my mother about something I can't remember, and I didn't go to school. Instead I ran up the canyon with my dog. It was misty, it had rained all night and the air was fresh. For the first time in a while, I felt myself at peace. I wasn't cold, or in any pain. There was music in my ears and smile on my face. For a moment I stopped and watch my dog observe the trail. She walked to both sides, smelled the brush. Smelled the air. Ran ahead, ran back. Looked at me for approval to move forward, then darted off again. 

I wondered what had changed, within myself that is. 

When had I stopped observing? 

When I had stopped smelling the air? 

Feeling the earth?

Being at peace?

Two nights ago I saw a boy I used to love. His presence affected me more than I had liked. And I was torn between allowing myself to be upset, or trying to ignore my feelings. In the end I had given the whole situation much more attention than it deserved. 

Someone once told me that you should never apologize for your feelings. Sometimes this mentality gets me into trouble, but sometimes it saves me. Lately though, I've been finding that, my feelings are not, bad, necessarily. But they're.. Nonexistent. And so a new idea formed into my head. 

"Should you apologize for not feeling..anything?" 

Today though, I think I got my answer. You're always feeling. Something. Regardless of how cold you've become, regardless of how distant you've made yourself. We are human. It's in our nature to feel. If only we could just register, and comprehend, what exactly it is we are feeling. Only then would we feel at peace, and remain in peace. Then would we see a piece of our past, and accept the progression. I don't mean to say, you have to be okay with whatever is happening. But just, recognize that perhaps you can't control it. And you don't need too.

 Sweetie in action.